Raising A Child Is Not An Investment


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Last Monday I wasn’t feeling well, headache and no energy. If I stayed at home and lying in bed, I might feel worse instead of better. Sonny was sick the night before, I got up several times whenever he needed me. He didn’t go to school, Terry stayed at home and worked around house; I went to our new building and painted the porch. With a easy working pace and cool breath, I felt much better when I back home. Sonny had a good rest, Terry threw some fertilizer. Next day, Terry and I finished throwing fertilizer on the rest of the farm.

That weekend Sonny spent most of his time playing video game, then he got sick, later he had to work on his homework on Monday evening. In sixth grade, he convinced us, he will responsible for his homework and take the consequences if he didn’t finish homework. So we don’t ask him about his homework anymore, we trusted him. He takes his homework seriously, spend quite bit of time doing online research for his homework. He likes to wear headphones and listen to jazz music when he’s doing his homework.

He didn’t want missing Tuesday school, because he had to turn in his social study’s homework. In the morning, he woke up and came to our bed to have a few minutes of cuddle before he got up.

He said,” mom, I have a confession to make, I’ll feel better if I tell you. I know lam responsible for my homework, I didn’t finish my homework last night, I need more time to do it than I thought. I’ll finish today and turn it in tomorrow, I might lose a few points for my grades.”

I said to him,” OK, you can finish today, turn it in tomorrow. But you can’t go to bed without finish it tonight. I’m glad you told me about it. I hope you”ll do your homework before play games in future.”

He told Terry on the way to catch school bus in the morning, Terry and I agreed that he learned his lesson this time, and we were gratified how he dealt his problem, instead of lying and hiding, he chose telling the truth and an open communication. He stayed up to 10:15pm to finish his homework that night.

 

 

 

Last week I watched a Chinese talk show, four people’s conversation, the topic was about that parents bring up children for the purpose of being looked after in old age. It’s an universal value for most of Chinese for thousands years.

On the show, one man has two grown up daughters, he told them that their mother and he both have retirement and healthcare, they can go to nursing home when they need. His daughters don’t need to come home for taking care them, but they are welcomed to come back if they want to, not for taking care of parents. His children are free individuals, they should live their life with their own interests, not for their parents.

Right after I watched the show, Terry and I had to go to town together, I talked about it with him in the car. He told me his view about it.

He said,” Children didn’t choose to come into this world, parents brought them into this world, parents are responsible to love and support their children. When your child reaches 18 years old, you can’t just ask them leaving home and make a living by themselves. Yes, they need to find their talent or ability to support themselves, but you still need continue loving them and supporting them. Raising a child is not an investment, you do so much for your child, so you expect them pay you back after they grow up. No, every happy moment you get from them are their payment, they already pay you back every single day. Love should be the only reason to have a child, the only way to raise a child.”

I like how we have our conversations, it’s so comfortable.

 

Same topic, same person, different ages or times, could have different opinions.

Before I married, saw the way my brother and his wife treated my mom. I was very angry and there was no way to forgive them. At that time, I thought a person could choose different person to be your wife or husband, but you couldn’t choose your parents, you only have one mother and one father. As a child, why do you even bother to pick a girlfriend or boyfriend who doesn’t like or accept your parents? Find someone can accept your parents, won’t put yourself into the bad situations. My uncle had four marriages, first two women were not nice to his widowed mother, he told them to leave. To those two women, he was a bad man and husband. But that was his decision, between a wife and his mother, he chose his mother.

Now as a mother, of course I hope my son will find a woman who likes me, and I love her. But nobody can predict future, certainty I won’t make him to choose between his girl and me. As long as they are happy and love each other, I’ll give them my blessing.

 

 

Someone said, love of a couple’s final goal is to be together, love of parents and children are destined for separation. The great love of parents is not to tie their children around them, it’s the freedom for children to pursue their dream life.